How to Sleep Better

Tips for writers and other sensitives.

El sueño de la artista by Adalbert Begas

I’ve been wanting to write about sleep since I read

Courtney Maum

’s terrific piece on how her insomnia and sleep issues were misdiagnosed for years. 

I’ve been a sensitive sleeper most of my life, but I’ve also had bouts of insomnia. The last time was last summer, due to a loud, active-at-all-hours family living above me. The worst thing about insomnia is that it compounds: usually stress causes you to have trouble sleeping, which then makes you even more stressed. I imagine I was also dealing with nervous system disregulation from my first book coming out, which, while incredibly exciting and wonderful, was also very activating, especially because of the public speaking fears I was working through. 

While I already knew about general sleep hygiene, I decided to dig deeper, working with my somatic therapist/nervous system expert Erika Ackerman and also doing a little more research (see sources below). I found helpful info that I’d like to share in the hopes that it may help others*. I’ve spoken with many writers who have trouble sleeping, which doesn’t surprise me—writers are often HSPs and otherwise sensitive folk, whose nervous systems may need more calming than others. Using these tips completely changed my body and sleep. It’s not to say I never struggle (I sometimes still have trouble when traveling), but these tips made a world of difference, and I still use several on them on a nightly basis.  

(Before I jump in, this article helped with the specific issue of the upstairs stompers—and I’m now in a new, quieter apartment, thank god!)

Go to bed and get up at the same time every day. This was the first directive from Erika, and I had to admit it wasn’t something I followed; when I had insomnia, I tended to let myself sleep in. I started having a hard bedtime and even harder wake time; even if I was out and went to bed late, I made myself get up on time. Now, I’m a little looser about this, but I try not to push it past a half-hour or so of extra sleep. 

Reset your circadian rhythm. I started working from home during COVID, which meant I often wouldn’t go outside until the afternoon. If you get natural light first thing in the morning (I try to do 10-15 minutes, in any weather except for rain/snow), it will help reset your circadian rhythm, or the inner clock that tells your body when to wake and sleep. I also try to get natural light during the day, either in the afternoon or when the sun starts to set. At night, I try to turn off overhead lights and reduce artificial light as much as possible before bed. I have a pink-hued salt lamp like this in my bedroom. 

Integrate breathwork. I think this is one of the most important aspects of nervous system regulation. The great thing is that breathwork bypasses your brain to calm your body—so it’s helpful even if you feel like your brain isn’t settled. There are specific breathwork options like alternate nostril breath and ocean breath as well as 4-7-8 breath. Slow diaphragmatic breaths are great too, especially when paired with legs up the wall. 

Cut out caffeine and alcohol. So I LOVE coffee and never thought I’d go off of caffeine. But it stays in one’s system for a long time, it’s addictive, and it’s also cyclical—you sleep less well and so feel like you need it in the morning. After reading that Michael Pollan experienced “amazing” “teenager”-like sleep during a period of quitting, I decided to give it a go. I can confirm that I pretty much immediately started sleeping more deeply and waking up much less. Another friend who stopped caffeine also said he no longer wakes in the middle of the night. So it’s something to consider! My favorite decaf brand is Oddly Correct (Bulletproof and Stumptown are also not bad), and most coffee shops now offer decaf options. Alcohol can also negatively impact sleep quality, so it’s best to steer clear if you’re having sleep issues.

Stop with the blue light at night. I try to give myself an hour without screens before bed. Two hours before bed, I put on these really cool clip-ons over my glasses to block blue light. It appears research on these is mixed, but it makes practical sense to me! You can also set your phone and computer screen to cut out blue light at night.

Get up. Especially if you are experiencing a period of insomnia: if you are lying in bed for awhile and can’t fall asleep, get up for a little bit. It will help calm that growing distress, and will also stop your body from associating your bed with stress. Do some reading, meditating, journaling, whatever, and then try again. If you still can’t sleep, get up again. You can also have a whole list of options ready (I’ll do some breathwork, then listen to a podcast, then read, etc.) so you don’t feel the pressure of getting sleepy or falling asleep by the end of this one activity.

Listen to something. I’ve found that listening to a calming podcast on .75 speed is a great way to fall asleep. It holds your brain’s attention so it doesn’t spin out, and you can turn off your headphones when you find yourself drifting off. I recommend the funny and heartfelt Ask Ronna, which is one of my comfort podcasts! You can also find podcasts where people with soothing voices tell calming actual bedtime stories. 

Thermoregulation. Body temperature falls at night, and you can better your sleep by artificially supporting this process. The ideal temperature for sleep in 65-68 degrees—colder than many people are used to. You can also take hot showers or baths at night so that your body temperature drops naturally. If you are experiencing a period of insomnia or stress in general, then get yourself to a bathhouse or spa—and if you can, alternate between cold and heat. I know the cold plunge pool can be scary, but your body will feel SO RELAXED afterwards, due to the chemicals it releases. I recommend one of Bathhouse’s two locations if you’re in New York. 

Let out your frustration. Erika taught me the importance of completing an emotional cycle. If you’re experiencing frustration that you can’t fall asleep, let yourself get REALLY frustrated: have an actual temper tantrum on a bed or couch, or vividly imagine yourself doing so. You can also try a slow pushup or press hard with both palms against the wall. Once you’re spent, your body will naturally start to pendulate back into a regulated and relaxed state. If you just keep tossing and turning and trying to push the frustration away, it’ll keep your body in a state of activation and it will be harder to fall asleep. 

Supplements. My goal was to not go on prescription sleep meds, so I found other options that helped. I still take magnesium at night, which relaxes the body (I like this brand). I also take adaptogens during the day and a sleep blend with valerian at night, specifically Mountain Rose Herbs’s Adapt Care and Sleep Care. Sleepytime tea is great (Mountain Rose has several, including this one), and you can also make banana peel tea (just add cinnamon and it’s quite tasty). Sometimes I take melatonin, though not consistently due to side effects and a lack of regulation. L-Tryptophan is another occasional option—and yes, that’s what makes you sleepy from turkey. If you are open to CBD/THC blends, low-dose gummies from companies like Medterra can be helpful for relaxation. However, it appears that frequent or daily use of THC can negatively impact sleep, so it’s best to use sparingly.

Use CBT methods and mantras. It can be easy to feel panic around insomnia—it may especially be hard to imagine it ever ending. Interrupting your thought patterns with soothing messages can help release some of that. One example might be: “I have slept well before, and I will sleep well again.” If you can convince your brain that this won’t last forever, it will take the stress level down, which will make it easier to sleep. 

Meditate. Erika and I did meditations together for nervous system regulation, such as vividly imagining walking around a setting that I felt relaxed and happy in. Visualization is a powerful technique (see: athletes who utilize it, including Olympians!), so this can be a nice way to calm your body down. You can also try other meditations, including yoga nidras, which use a slow body scan. (Google “yoga nidra for sleep” or search on Apple/Spotify for a ton of options.)

Short naps or none at all. When I had insomnia, I would nap a lot during the day, which would negatively affect my sleep at night. It’s best to avoid naps or take only a short one, around 20-30 minutes, and not too late in the day. 

Misc: Scent can be helpful for calming down, particularly lavender. I like this kind from Mountain Rose Herbs. Earplugs and a white noise machine (I like the Lectrofan classic, which offers brown noise options) are helpful if you live in a city. I also love a sleep mask to block out any and all light (like this heavy-duty one). 

So these are my tips! I’d love to hear if you have any thoughts on this topic, or if you have any sleep or regulation tips to share!

*Just a note that I am NOT a doctor and therefore not dispensing medical advice. Every person is different, and what has worked for me may not work for you. I recommend seeing a specialist for more info, especially if you think you might have a sleep disorder like sleep apnea. 

Resources:

Erika Ackerman, somatic therapist and nervous system regulation expert

Andrew Huberman toolkit (Just a note that he turned out to be a terrible person! But the toolkit is helpful)

Victoria Albina’s Feminist Wellness podcast: 12. Sleep

Liz Moody podcast: Solving All Of Your Sleep Problems with Insomnia Expert Dr. Jade Wu

Unf*ck Your Sleep: The #1 Non-Negotiable Necessity for Emotional and Physical Health by Dr. Faith G. Harper

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